Marriage has never been easy. Anyone who’s been in a long-term relationship knows that it takes more than love to stay together. It takes patience, forgiveness, commitment—and at times, brutal honesty.
In the United States, between 40 to 50 percent of marriages end in divorce. That number alone paints a sobering picture. But behind the scenes of many of the marriages that don’t end in divorce is another issue—one that often stays hidden: infidelity.
According to recent studies, 57 percent of men admit to cheating in a relationship at some point in their lives, and a staggering 74 percent say they would cheat if they knew they wouldn’t get caught.
And yet… the vast majority of these men don’t leave their wives.
Why?
If they’re unhappy enough to stray, why do they stay?
It’s a question many women—especially those who have found themselves on the other side of betrayal—have asked with broken hearts and sleepless nights.
“Men Don’t Leave. They Just Want It All.”
That’s the blunt statement from a feature in Today, where women involved with married men shared their stories.
“They promise they’ll leave,” one woman shared. “They talk about how their marriage is dead, how they’re just staying for the kids, how they haven’t been in love for years. But somehow, they always go home.”
And she’s not alone.
Stories like hers are repeated in marriage counseling offices, in late-night phone calls between best friends, and in journal entries tucked deep into drawers. Again and again, the same refrain:
Cheating men rarely leave their wives.
The Comfort of Home: “He Can Be Himself”
One of the most overlooked reasons cheating men stay in their marriages is shockingly simple: comfort.
“He has known you forever,” says relationship coach David Wygant. “And no one else knows him the way you do.”
There’s something powerful in the comfort of being known—fully, flaws and all. For many men, home represents a place where they can let their guard down. Where they don’t have to impress anyone. Where there’s history, routine, predictability.
Outside the marriage, with a lover or affair partner, there’s passion and excitement—but also pressure. Expectations. The unknown.
Inside the marriage? There’s the worn-in warmth of shared memories, and yes—even after betrayal—the safety of emotional familiarity.
“Why Would He Leave His Wife and Kids?”
The second reason is deeply rooted in traditional roles and identity: family.
After a tryst, a cheating husband might go home, toss a football with his son, kiss his daughter goodnight, and eat dinner cooked by the same woman he’s betrayed. But to him, that doesn’t feel like hypocrisy—it feels like normalcy.
“Why would he leave?” Wygant says. “It’s the ideal situation for him.”
He’s not necessarily trying to break up his family. Often, he doesn’t want to. He wants the excitement and the stability. The thrill and the routine. The affair partner and the wife who holds the family together.
To put it plainly: he wants it all.
Infidelity Isn’t Always About Love—or Lack of It
One of the most painful realizations for a betrayed partner is that infidelity doesn’t always mean he stopped loving you.
In many cases, men cheat not because they’ve fallen in love with someone else—but because they’re chasing a version of themselves that’s been lost.
In their affair, they’re admired again. Desired. Seen through new eyes.
That excitement can feel intoxicating—especially for men who feel unappreciated or irrelevant at home (even if they haven’t earned appreciation lately).
That’s not an excuse. It’s just the psychology behind it.
In many marriage counseling sessions, therapists point out: cheating is less about the other woman—and more about how he feels about himself.
He Stays Because It’s Easier
Let’s face it: divorce is messy.
There’s paperwork, lawyers, financial division, custody arrangements, social consequences, and emotional chaos.
Many cheating men do the math—and decide staying is easier.
- No need to split assets
- No child custody battles
- No awkward conversations with parents, coworkers, or the church group
- No new life to rebuild from scratch
In his mind, if he can have both (his family and his affair), why rock the boat?
The real question becomes: what are the emotional costs of staying when the damage has already been done?
“I Never Planned to Leave Her”
Many women in relationships with married men report hearing the same promise over and over again:
“I’m going to leave her.”
But very few actually do.
That’s because many cheating husbands never intended to. The words are a way to keep the affair going, to keep the affair partner emotionally invested.
Behind closed doors, however, the narrative often shifts.
To his wife, he may be apologetic. Remorseful. He may beg for forgiveness, claim it was a mistake, and promise it will never happen again.
To his lover, he may speak of escape, of longing, of plans.
To himself? He may not even know what he wants. But he’ll hold onto both relationships for as long as he can.
What It Means for You: The Wife, the Partner, the Person
If you’ve been betrayed—or if you’ve ever wondered why men cheat and stay—know this:
His cheating is not a reflection of your worth.
It’s easy to blame yourself. To search for the moments you could’ve done something differently. To wonder if you weren’t enough.
But infidelity isn’t about you failing. It’s about him failing the commitment he made.
Yes, marriages are complicated. Yes, people grow and change. But every marriage deserves honesty, not secrets.
What You Can Do If You’ve Been Betrayed
If you’re in a marriage where emotional affairs or physical infidelity have occurred, here are a few truths to hold onto:
- You are allowed to ask for transparency.
- You are allowed to demand respect.
- You are allowed to leave—or stay—on your own terms.
- You deserve honesty, even if the truth hurts.
Many couples choose to work through infidelity with marriage counseling for couples. It’s not about pretending it didn’t happen—it’s about deciding what happens next.
Others find strength in separation, choosing peace over prolonged pain.
Either way, you are not weak for staying. And you are not cold-hearted for leaving.
You are simply human—navigating one of the hardest emotional experiences life can throw at us.
If You’re “The Other Woman”
If you’re involved with a married man, this might be difficult to hear—but important:
He probably isn’t leaving.
Not because you’re not enough. Not because he doesn’t care.
But because, in many cases, men don’t have the courage to dismantle the life they’ve built. They don’t want to lose their children, their homes, their reputations.
They want the comfort of their marriage and the thrill of your affection.
You deserve more than being someone’s secret.
The Bottom Line
Why don’t cheating men leave their wives?
Because staying is easier. Because routine is comforting. Because they want both women, and because they assume they can have both without consequences.
But what they forget is this:
Cheating isn’t just a betrayal of a partner. It’s a betrayal of trust, of honesty, of shared history.
And while they may not leave the marriage, the damage often creates cracks that never quite heal.
So if you’ve experienced betrayal, remember: you’re not alone. And your healing—whether together or apart—is possible.
You deserve to be chosen. Every single day.
